DR3@M: A Modern Retelling of a Shakespeare Classic

It’s prom season at Athens High, and Hermia (WHITE ACTRESS IN HER LATE 20s #1) is totally freaking out because her uptight dad, Egeus, (VETERAN ACTOR WHO NEEDS A PAYCHECK) wants to set her up with one of the nice boys at the country club. And while Demetrius (WHITE ACTOR IN HIS 30s #1) is headed to Yale and has a trust fund, Lysander (WHITE ACTOR IN HIS 40s #2) is just so cool and punk rock: he’s in a band and has shaggy hair! Meanwhile, Helena (BLACK ACTRESS BECAUSE DIVERSITY), Hermia’s BFF, is totally freaking out because she’s in love with Demetrius, but he totally has the hots for Hermia, even though she keeps ditching Calc to take spontaneous trips to the diner on Lysander’s motorbike where they drink from one milkshake with two straws and make out in public. Helena is also on the prom planning committee, so it would be totally lame of her to not bag a bae by the time prom rolled around!

But don’t worry, notorious BFF prankster duo Oberon (BLACK ACTOR IN HIS EARLY 20s #1) and Robin, aka “Puck,” (FAT ASIAN GUY #2) are on the case! They overhear Helena’s plight as she cries to herself in the ladies’ bathroom– they were planning on dropping stinkbombs through the vents– and take pity on her because she could’ve reported them to the principal, but didn’t, which was pretty chill of her. They decide to concoct a scheme that will let everyone get the prom date they want! But while scheming, Oberon also comes up with another idea, to get revenge on his on-again off-again GF Titania (WHITE ACTRESS IN HER LATE 20s #2, BRITISH), by enlisting the help of his objectively annoying friends in the drama club, and also some Flunitrazepam.

The theater kids at Athens high are super into their craft, and while they don’t really care about going to prom, they have been asked by prom king and queen, Theseus (WHITE MAN WITH STUBBLE #4) and Hippolyta (ETHNICALLY AMBIGUOUS ACTRESS #1), to perform a segment of their new play, Pyramus and Thisbe, at the prom! Peter (INDIAN AND/OR JEWISH GUY IN HIS EARLY 20s #1) really wants this production to go well, because he wrote it himself! But wouldn’t you know it, the most talented guy in the drama club, Nick, aka “Bottom,” (WHITE GUY IN HIS 30s #2 WITH ACNE AND GREASY HAIR) because of that one time his whole ass was hanging out, is far too self-absorbed, not to mention totally baked, to focus on this play. But after a crazy accident, when all the other theater kids bully him for no reason, he falls into the lap of confident and beautiful foreign-exchange student Titania, who is just head-over-heels for him!

Will Titania’s new tryst with Nick make Oberon jealous? Will Hermia and Helena ever take a selfie together again?Will Puck deliver a monologue in iambic pentameter but with hip teen references as a wink to the audience? Will Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” really play as the credits roll? And most importantly, will Egeus ever stop being such a square??? Find out upon watching “DR3@M: A Marketable Teen Movie As Long As An In-Vogue Popstar Who’ll Be Deemed Problematic By The Time Of This Movie’s Release Gets A Cameo!”

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