You probably heard it here first, folks. The president is at it again. When you thought it could not get any more shocking, he only managed to exceed expectations. Rest assured, there will absolutely under no circumstances be an investigation carried out to the full extent of the law. If anything, we’ll let this slide, because it’s already the fifth time this week.

One brave freelance journalist and part-time standup tweeted, “Now, more than ever, it is time to pay attention, and not overlook this behavior,” to which he received approximately 3,600 retweets as of this morning.

“A lascivious display of egotism and unearned grandeur,” wrote Man With Important-Sounding Name in an online publication. “What has this country come to?” said a white lady on Facebook, after scrolling past this headline and jumping to conclusions.

“Maybe if we get a well-known actor to guest star on this week’s cold open,” posited a writer at SNL, “we may mitigate the situation with levity, as well as providing biting political commentary to the smug, liberal elite masses, in these trying times.” He was then promoted.

But it was one truly iconoclastic journalist here at Ramblr who cut to the core of the issue, only moments ago: “People may be reading this, and asking ‘What specific thing is she referring to in this article? What fresh scandal broke while I was away from the Internet for two minutes?’ But if you see yourself asking that question, I must reiterate that you are NOT paying attention.”

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