1. I Left My Phone on Subway

Oh shoot! I probably left my phone on the subway, better check my bag and all my pockets a million times per second to make sure! (Not exclusive to phones and/or subways. Also applies to wallets and cabs.)

2. I’ve Got The Wrong Address

Every time I travel to a new location, I worry that I’m definitely in the wrong place, like a big dumb idiot, even though I have the address written down and have also memorized it like 15 times (better double-check to make sure, though!), and this anxiety does not ebb until I see someone who I know for sure is meant to be here, to which I ask them, “We’re in the right place, right? You’re also here for… the thing… right?”

3. I’ve Got The Wrong Date

Similar to getting the address wrong, but infinitely worse because I’m not inside a black hole and therefore can only manipulate space and not time.

4. My Headphones Aren’t In And Now Everyone Knows I’ve Got Better Music Taste Than Them

This one requires securely fastening my earbuds to my ears and music-playing device (who are we kidding it’s my phone), and then removing the pods from my ears to make sure that I can’t hear the music unless the sound waves are specifically reverberating in my ears. Perils of everyone else being able to hear my music include being a nuisance to everybody in this otherwise silent area, and being judged for just how cool and sophisticated my music taste is.

5. Those Noises I Can Hear Outside My Door At Night Are Definitely An Intruder

They’re definitely coming from not the broken pipes in this old-as-balls building, but an intruder come for everyone I know, and I’m now the sole survivor and should mentally prepare myself for having to change my name, burn off all my fingerprints with acid, and go into witness protection, never again speaking of my Old Life. How fun!

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